Slot Machines Sent Me To College

The state of Ohio is considering a proposal that would put slot machines at nine different locations around the state. The reason the plan has so much support is that nearly a third of the profits from the machines would fund scholarships and grants for students at Ohio Universities. Thanks to the plan, degenerate gamblers all over the state of Ohio may soon be able to call themselves productive members of society. Additionally, after hearing about the slot machine proposal, a group of Ohio hookers pledged to donate a couple dollars a day to homeless people if the state legalized prostitution.

Dartmouth University brought back its chariot races for last weekend's Fieldstock event. The races were originally started in 1966 as a replacement event after the tradition of pelting newly elected student government members with food and beverages became too dangerous. In 1984 the races themselves were stopped because they were deemed unsafe. Bringing the races back seems like it's a good move and it's refreshing to know that in the last 20 years chariot safety has been improved enough to allow the event to return.